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The liquid fire inside you
Begins to sear in pain
You try to scream for help
But it only fans the flame

The dark comes out to greet you
You watch it in dismay
The claws now pull you deeper
And the world begins to grey

You try once more to reach out
But you're only met in vain
The claws will not release you
For this is their domain  

The waves crash down upon you
Never letting go
They twist and turn around you
To pull you under tow
©2009 ~TheAnyone
:icontheanyone:

Author's Comments

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For ~calivinguy's Summer Poem Challenge

Want to take the challenge? [link]

Comments


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:iconracehorsecharlie:
I enjoyed it. I like the first part the best...though I love the idea of screaming, yea it's weird...

--
But now there's nothing that can kill
The pain
That doesn't mean bleeding at
The brain
:iconjmonahan:
Now it's the ocean that's gonna getcha. I liked the rhythm of this one.
:icontheanyone:
By the end of this contest, there is going to be no safe place :)

--
I See Dead People... Oh crap! They're bleeding on the carpet!
:icontheanyone:
I'm glad you liked it, even if it is a bit weird :)

--
I See Dead People... Oh crap! They're bleeding on the carpet!
:iconracehorsecharlie:
oh no! Your poem isn't weird, it's absolutely wonderful! My fascination with screaming is the weird thing lol

--
But now there's nothing that can kill
The pain
That doesn't mean bleeding at
The brain
:icontheanyone:
Ah, lol, confusion on my part. It's not weird at all, everyone has to scream at some point, so why not be fascinated by it :)

--
I See Dead People... Oh crap! They're bleeding on the carpet!
:iconcalivinguy:
Yes, this had quite a mystical ring to it. The rhythm was quite intense. The last stanza had the best metaphor attached, but the rhythm broke down a little in the second line: "Never letting go". I think it's because all the other 2nd lines are 6 beats (except for the 2nd stanza which is 7 beats). But the last stanza 2nd line is 5 beats.

Not sure how that could be fixed or even if it should be. But I did really enjoy this a lot.
:icontheanyone:
Reading it again, I'm not sure how to change it without the poem losing something. I'm really glad you enjoyed it :)

--
I See Dead People... Oh crap! They're bleeding on the carpet!

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May 28
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